1 00:00:02,353 --> 00:00:03,974 Previously, on Mad About You... 2 00:00:04,112 --> 00:00:05,766 I blame my parents. 3 00:00:07,869 --> 00:00:10,144 This nice man married your daddy and me. 4 00:00:10,282 --> 00:00:12,143 You guys know I'm not really a minister, right? 5 00:00:12,281 --> 00:00:14,453 All right, here's what we'll do. Here's what we'll do. 6 00:00:14,591 --> 00:00:16,391 We'll go down to city hall, we'll get married, 7 00:00:16,522 --> 00:00:17,682 we'll sign our regular thing, 8 00:00:17,797 --> 00:00:19,452 and then bing-bam-boom, problem solved. 9 00:00:19,590 --> 00:00:20,590 Do you, Jamie... 10 00:00:20,625 --> 00:00:22,451 Bwuchman... 11 00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:23,727 take Paul Buchman... 12 00:00:23,865 --> 00:00:25,726 to be your lawful wedded husband? 13 00:00:25,864 --> 00:00:27,899 I don't want to get married. 14 00:00:28,036 --> 00:00:30,518 You didn't so much get that second vasectomy, did you? 15 00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:31,794 Wh... 16 00:00:31,931 --> 00:00:34,586 Because I am remarkably pregnant. 17 00:00:35,655 --> 00:00:37,344 So let me ask you this. 18 00:00:37,481 --> 00:00:39,321 Are you gonna change your name back to Stemple? 19 00:00:39,447 --> 00:00:40,447 What do you mean? 20 00:00:40,516 --> 00:00:42,205 Well, we're not actually married. 21 00:00:42,342 --> 00:00:45,204 No, sweetie, everything stays exactly the same. 22 00:00:45,342 --> 00:00:46,376 Oh, my God. 23 00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:47,376 Go away. 24 00:00:47,514 --> 00:00:48,824 The apartment is not for rent. 25 00:00:48,962 --> 00:00:50,548 Huh? Who's that? 26 00:00:50,686 --> 00:00:51,754 It's your parents. 27 00:00:51,892 --> 00:00:53,512 Burt and Sylvia Buchman. 28 00:00:53,650 --> 00:00:54,512 Yes. Sorry. 29 00:00:54,650 --> 00:00:55,753 Happy anniversary. 30 00:00:55,891 --> 00:00:58,200 Oh, thanks. 31 00:00:58,338 --> 00:01:01,406 Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. What has it been, 7 years now? 32 00:01:01,545 --> 00:01:03,165 Seven beautiful years. 33 00:01:03,303 --> 00:01:05,267 That's not nothing. 34 00:01:05,405 --> 00:01:06,820 Let me ask you something. 35 00:01:06,957 --> 00:01:08,819 If we had just been together 36 00:01:08,957 --> 00:01:09,819 for the last 7 years, 37 00:01:09,957 --> 00:01:11,404 but we weren't actually married, 38 00:01:11,543 --> 00:01:13,163 that would still be "not nothing," right? 39 00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:14,851 No, that would be nothing. 40 00:01:14,989 --> 00:01:15,851 Really? 41 00:01:15,989 --> 00:01:17,368 Yeah, you'd be like Cousin Elliott 42 00:01:17,506 --> 00:01:19,712 and what's her name. What is her name? 43 00:01:19,850 --> 00:01:22,678 Exactly. If they were married, we'd all know. 44 00:01:22,815 --> 00:01:25,608 Until you make it official, you're just playing house. 45 00:01:25,746 --> 00:01:28,193 You've gotta make a statement. You gotta stand up 46 00:01:28,330 --> 00:01:30,607 in front of the whole world and say, "I love this girl!" 47 00:01:30,744 --> 00:01:33,915 then there's a record of it in city hall all typed up 48 00:01:34,053 --> 00:01:37,087 nice and everything. Otherwise, you're just kidding around. 49 00:01:37,225 --> 00:01:38,501 I smell a diaper. 50 00:01:38,638 --> 00:01:39,811 Oh, gimme. 51 00:01:39,949 --> 00:01:41,604 No, no, no. We'll do it. 52 00:01:41,741 --> 00:01:42,603 Come on, Burt. 53 00:01:42,741 --> 00:01:44,810 You got a little thing there. 54 00:01:44,947 --> 00:01:46,671 Oh, thank you, sweetie. 55 00:01:46,809 --> 00:01:48,809 Come on. Come on. 56 00:01:48,946 --> 00:01:51,084 Don't even say it. 57 00:01:51,222 --> 00:01:52,324 What? 58 00:01:53,703 --> 00:01:55,221 They're your parents. We're us. 59 00:01:55,358 --> 00:01:57,668 We, don't forget, are very hip. 60 00:01:57,806 --> 00:01:58,944 We don't need city hall. 61 00:01:59,082 --> 00:02:00,682 We don't need a piece of paper. We're us. 62 00:02:00,771 --> 00:02:01,771 Yeah. 63 00:02:01,839 --> 00:02:02,977 Hi. 64 00:02:03,115 --> 00:02:04,942 Hi. I understand your apartment is for rent. 65 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:07,804 Oh, you know, sadly that is a misprint. 66 00:02:07,941 --> 00:02:08,941 Oh! 67 00:02:09,079 --> 00:02:10,113 Oh. 68 00:02:10,251 --> 00:02:11,388 Oh. 69 00:02:11,527 --> 00:02:13,285 Oh. 70 00:02:13,423 --> 00:02:14,836 Oh! 71 00:02:15,698 --> 00:02:16,698 Oh, is this your wife? 72 00:02:16,801 --> 00:02:18,421 Uh... no, not really. 73 00:02:18,559 --> 00:02:19,834 Oh, all right. 74 00:02:22,627 --> 00:02:24,799 Sweetie? I found it. 75 00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:26,799 Last one in the city, but I found it. 76 00:02:26,937 --> 00:02:28,798 One big seat, one little seat. 77 00:02:28,936 --> 00:02:32,280 Two kids, one carriage. One big happy family. 78 00:02:44,794 --> 00:02:46,621 Shh. 79 00:02:47,655 --> 00:02:49,344 It happens. 80 00:02:49,482 --> 00:02:51,792 These things happen, sweetie. 81 00:02:51,930 --> 00:02:54,032 I'm sorry. 82 00:02:54,170 --> 00:02:57,825 No, no, no, no, no. It's not your fault. 83 00:02:59,342 --> 00:03:01,375 You did everything right. 84 00:03:02,927 --> 00:03:05,340 It just wasn't meant to be. 85 00:03:07,581 --> 00:03:10,132 Turns out I wanted it. 86 00:03:12,201 --> 00:03:13,580 Me, too. 87 00:03:22,784 --> 00:03:25,508 And so, I'm an only child. 88 00:03:25,646 --> 00:03:28,989 So, the manager blames it on my feet. 89 00:03:29,127 --> 00:03:30,851 Yeah, that's the problem. 90 00:03:30,989 --> 00:03:33,298 The shoes that you made are fine. 91 00:03:33,436 --> 00:03:36,332 My feet that God made are clearly defective. 92 00:03:36,470 --> 00:03:37,607 Fran... I don't understand. 93 00:03:37,745 --> 00:03:39,814 You can send a monkey to Pluto. 94 00:03:39,952 --> 00:03:41,572 You can't make a high-heeled sandal 95 00:03:41,710 --> 00:03:42,986 that doesn't lacerate my calf. 96 00:03:43,124 --> 00:03:45,330 Fran? I'm sorry. What? 97 00:03:45,468 --> 00:03:47,260 He left me. 98 00:03:47,398 --> 00:03:48,398 What? 99 00:03:48,536 --> 00:03:51,087 Paul. He left me. 100 00:03:52,639 --> 00:03:56,844 Oh, my God. What happened? When did this happen? 101 00:03:56,982 --> 00:04:01,428 Last night, but I think it's been on its way for a long time. 102 00:04:01,567 --> 00:04:03,325 Why? 103 00:04:03,463 --> 00:04:04,945 Well... 104 00:04:05,083 --> 00:04:06,393 What did he say? 105 00:04:06,531 --> 00:04:11,323 He said I'm unkind. 106 00:04:11,461 --> 00:04:12,736 What does that mean? 107 00:04:12,874 --> 00:04:16,046 He said I've changed and that maybe this way 108 00:04:16,184 --> 00:04:19,424 will be better for both of us. 109 00:04:19,563 --> 00:04:21,734 He's an idiot, your husband! 110 00:04:21,872 --> 00:04:23,733 Maybe he's right. I mean, I have changed. 111 00:04:23,871 --> 00:04:26,077 How could I not? I was 26 when we met. 112 00:04:26,215 --> 00:04:29,043 We used to be very kind to each other, 113 00:04:29,181 --> 00:04:33,386 but then there's a kid, and I'm always worried about her, 114 00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:36,075 and there's just not as much time to be kind. 115 00:04:36,213 --> 00:04:37,558 Who has that kind of time? 116 00:04:37,696 --> 00:04:39,798 And then she grows up, and there you are. 117 00:04:39,936 --> 00:04:41,660 It's just the two of you, 118 00:04:41,798 --> 00:04:43,418 and nobody even remembers how to be nice, 119 00:04:43,556 --> 00:04:45,004 so am I less nice? 120 00:04:45,141 --> 00:04:46,141 Sure. 121 00:04:46,176 --> 00:04:50,692 Am I unkind? Okay. Fine. 122 00:04:51,519 --> 00:04:54,036 You... are an idiot. 123 00:04:54,174 --> 00:04:56,380 Well, isn't that nice. 124 00:04:56,518 --> 00:04:58,862 I'm sorry. You think I like to say this? 125 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,000 Wh... 126 00:05:00,035 --> 00:05:01,275 It hurts me to say this, 127 00:05:01,413 --> 00:05:03,999 but I'm not gonna beat around the bush. 128 00:05:04,136 --> 00:05:06,964 You, my friend, you are a phenomenal idiot. 129 00:05:07,102 --> 00:05:09,066 You know, Mark, if I'm not mistaken, 130 00:05:09,204 --> 00:05:11,549 you left Fran once upon a time. 131 00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:13,238 Yeah, I did. You're right. 132 00:05:13,376 --> 00:05:14,410 I was young! 133 00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:15,962 What do you mean? 134 00:05:16,099 --> 00:05:17,099 Look at you. You're old! 135 00:05:17,168 --> 00:05:19,478 I'm not old. I am... 136 00:05:19,616 --> 00:05:20,822 No, you're young. 137 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,063 That's why social security starts for you in 3 hours, 138 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:26,062 because you're so young! 139 00:05:28,889 --> 00:05:30,268 I mean, we always fought, 140 00:05:30,405 --> 00:05:32,784 but when the fights were over, we were closer. 141 00:05:32,922 --> 00:05:34,888 By the end, it wasn't even fighting. 142 00:05:35,026 --> 00:05:37,611 It was just criticism and complaining 143 00:05:37,749 --> 00:05:38,990 and poking and prodding. 144 00:05:39,127 --> 00:05:40,542 Okay. 145 00:05:40,679 --> 00:05:41,782 All I know is 146 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,264 I can't always be wrong, you know? 147 00:05:44,402 --> 00:05:46,367 Some of what I do must be right. 148 00:05:46,505 --> 00:05:47,505 Who cares? 149 00:05:47,609 --> 00:05:50,022 Who cares? Who cares who's right or wrong? 150 00:05:50,159 --> 00:05:52,366 Who's got the strength to keep track? 151 00:05:52,504 --> 00:05:54,951 You just stay married and shut up. 152 00:05:55,985 --> 00:05:57,606 Why? 153 00:05:57,744 --> 00:05:59,053 Why? 154 00:05:59,191 --> 00:06:00,708 Because it's better. 155 00:06:00,846 --> 00:06:04,535 Listen, you know, nobody believed that more than me. 156 00:06:04,673 --> 00:06:06,638 Oh, I know, I know. 157 00:06:06,776 --> 00:06:08,189 But we were miserable. 158 00:06:08,327 --> 00:06:12,292 Do you understand that? Jamie and I, we were both miserable. 159 00:06:12,429 --> 00:06:14,533 So who are you not to be miserable? 160 00:06:16,980 --> 00:06:18,670 No. At a certain point, you have to say, 161 00:06:18,807 --> 00:06:20,392 "Okay, who is this for?" 162 00:06:20,531 --> 00:06:21,978 I mean, who's winning here? 163 00:06:22,116 --> 00:06:23,289 Nobody. 164 00:06:23,427 --> 00:06:24,530 But you love Jamie. 165 00:06:24,668 --> 00:06:26,977 Of course. Very much. 166 00:06:27,115 --> 00:06:29,011 So? 167 00:06:29,149 --> 00:06:31,011 So I'll be the bad guy. 168 00:06:31,149 --> 00:06:33,769 So I'll... Let me be the one who says, 169 00:06:33,906 --> 00:06:38,423 "You know what? Why don't we just let each other live?" 170 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:39,940 Till death do you part. 171 00:06:40,078 --> 00:06:41,560 That's what is says... Death... 172 00:06:41,698 --> 00:06:43,146 Not a lack of kindness. 173 00:06:43,284 --> 00:06:44,972 The vows are very specific. 174 00:06:45,110 --> 00:06:46,489 In other words, you don't leave. 175 00:06:46,627 --> 00:06:48,144 That's the one thing you don't do. 176 00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:51,144 You think I haven't felt good and fed up plenty of times? 177 00:06:51,281 --> 00:06:53,039 Believe me, I have, many, many times. 178 00:06:53,177 --> 00:06:54,217 But I didn't leave, did I? 179 00:06:54,246 --> 00:06:56,280 No. No, I stayed. 180 00:06:56,418 --> 00:06:57,590 Right. 181 00:06:57,728 --> 00:06:59,521 He left. 182 00:07:03,312 --> 00:07:05,243 Good times. 183 00:07:07,002 --> 00:07:08,759 Here's something. 184 00:07:08,897 --> 00:07:11,207 Our dog Murray died when I was 6, 185 00:07:11,345 --> 00:07:15,378 so naturally my parents told me about it when I was 12. 186 00:07:16,551 --> 00:07:18,619 Okay, I've had it with you two! 187 00:07:18,757 --> 00:07:20,343 Uh-oh. Now what? 188 00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:23,376 If one human year equals seven dog years, 189 00:07:23,515 --> 00:07:25,686 that would make Murray 210. 190 00:07:25,824 --> 00:07:27,548 So? So... 191 00:07:27,686 --> 00:07:29,272 You lied. That isn't Murray. 192 00:07:31,478 --> 00:07:32,857 Um... 193 00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:35,235 Listen, Mabel... Sonya... 194 00:07:37,580 --> 00:07:40,407 Sweetie, some very special dogs... 195 00:07:40,544 --> 00:07:43,510 Save it, Ma. Murray died, didn't he? 196 00:07:43,647 --> 00:07:45,164 And you got another dog 197 00:07:45,301 --> 00:07:47,922 who looked just like Murray, didn't you? 198 00:07:48,060 --> 00:07:49,473 I mean, who does such a thing? 199 00:07:54,645 --> 00:07:58,367 Thereafter, my parents promised they'd be straight with me. 200 00:07:58,506 --> 00:07:59,746 Sweetheart? 201 00:08:00,919 --> 00:08:02,539 Last night... 202 00:08:02,676 --> 00:08:05,435 your grandfather... 203 00:08:05,573 --> 00:08:09,950 unexpectedly and in his sleep... 204 00:08:11,571 --> 00:08:12,571 moved to Florida. 205 00:08:16,535 --> 00:08:18,432 Paulie, keep up with the hearse. 206 00:08:18,569 --> 00:08:20,947 Ma, you're grieving or you're driving. 207 00:08:21,085 --> 00:08:23,844 Oh, very nice. Chew my head off, I'm a widow. 208 00:08:23,982 --> 00:08:26,567 Sorry. You're right. 209 00:08:29,911 --> 00:08:32,806 You know, sometimes in the silence, 210 00:08:32,944 --> 00:08:34,944 I can feel his presence. 211 00:08:43,597 --> 00:08:44,907 Couldn't be sorrier. 212 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:47,182 Hello. 213 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,216 I guess it's true what they say. 214 00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:50,457 Life goes on. 215 00:08:50,595 --> 00:08:53,974 No, no. No, absolutely not. Absolutely not! 216 00:08:54,112 --> 00:08:56,180 No, no, no. Absolutely not! 217 00:08:56,318 --> 00:08:57,559 What? 218 00:08:57,697 --> 00:09:00,351 Hold on. It's the tenant board. 219 00:09:00,490 --> 00:09:01,937 They say we can have the apartment, 220 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,523 but now they want key money. 221 00:09:03,661 --> 00:09:04,867 Key money? What is that? 222 00:09:05,005 --> 00:09:06,005 It's a bribe, basically. 223 00:09:06,074 --> 00:09:07,315 Honestly, must you do this now? 224 00:09:07,453 --> 00:09:09,253 I'm sorry, Ma. It's just that we have a chance 225 00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:11,314 to get the apartment across the hall from us, 226 00:09:11,452 --> 00:09:13,762 but only if we do it today. What, the Scottish people? 227 00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:14,762 English people. 228 00:09:14,899 --> 00:09:15,761 Right. Yeah. 229 00:09:15,899 --> 00:09:18,105 So what? Pay them the key money. 230 00:09:18,243 --> 00:09:19,760 Really? 231 00:09:19,898 --> 00:09:22,518 Yes. Sure. The wall can come down, 232 00:09:22,656 --> 00:09:24,793 and you'll finally have a room for Mabel. 233 00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:26,517 What are you waiting for? 234 00:09:26,655 --> 00:09:28,965 Yes. Tell them yes. 235 00:09:29,103 --> 00:09:31,413 Okay. Done. We'll get you the check. 236 00:09:31,550 --> 00:09:32,550 Thank you. 237 00:09:32,653 --> 00:09:34,377 So it's ours? 238 00:09:34,515 --> 00:09:35,377 It's ours. 239 00:09:35,514 --> 00:09:37,790 Okay. All right, this is a good day. 240 00:09:37,927 --> 00:09:39,376 It really is. 241 00:09:47,167 --> 00:09:48,960 Can you imagine? Cecilia wore chiffon. 242 00:09:49,097 --> 00:09:51,062 You're right. Very inappropriate for a funeral. 243 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,061 It's not that, it's her figure. 244 00:09:53,199 --> 00:09:55,716 There's gotta be a better fabric. 245 00:09:58,750 --> 00:10:02,232 Oh! I didn't get potato salad... just coleslaw. 246 00:10:02,370 --> 00:10:04,404 Ma, people love coleslaw. 247 00:10:04,542 --> 00:10:07,231 Aunt Syl, you want me to go get it? 248 00:10:07,368 --> 00:10:08,679 No. 249 00:10:38,981 --> 00:10:41,532 And that's why they call it intercourse. 250 00:10:41,670 --> 00:10:43,394 Sexual intercourse. 251 00:10:43,532 --> 00:10:44,772 I'm saying. 252 00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:49,185 Sweetheart, do you understand any of this? 253 00:10:49,322 --> 00:10:50,322 I'm on the pill. 254 00:10:52,288 --> 00:10:54,805 Okay, so then you know. 255 00:10:56,045 --> 00:10:57,320 That was the moment 256 00:10:57,459 --> 00:10:59,837 my father decided I was growing up too fast, 257 00:10:59,975 --> 00:11:01,492 and so began our Sunday morning 258 00:11:01,630 --> 00:11:03,492 "buy the newspaper, buy some bagels, 259 00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:04,802 get an Italian ice, 260 00:11:04,940 --> 00:11:06,560 and make fun of perfectly innocent people 261 00:11:06,698 --> 00:11:09,008 in the street" ritual. 262 00:11:11,007 --> 00:11:13,524 My mother and I also had our rituals. 263 00:11:13,662 --> 00:11:14,524 No! 264 00:11:14,662 --> 00:11:15,523 I'm saying yes! 265 00:11:15,661 --> 00:11:16,661 No! Yes! 266 00:11:16,799 --> 00:11:18,832 No! 267 00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:25,762 Yes. 268 00:11:25,899 --> 00:11:26,761 No! 269 00:11:26,899 --> 00:11:28,520 Yes! 270 00:11:33,415 --> 00:11:34,690 My therapist said 271 00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:37,518 that the reason I clash with my mother so much 272 00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:39,413 is that we're so very alike. 273 00:11:39,551 --> 00:11:40,413 No! 274 00:11:40,551 --> 00:11:42,344 That statement alone 275 00:11:42,481 --> 00:11:45,756 upped me from two sessions to three sessions a week. 276 00:11:47,205 --> 00:11:48,722 My grandfather used to say, 277 00:11:48,859 --> 00:11:51,721 "Out of pain beauty does come." 278 00:11:51,859 --> 00:11:53,720 He also used to say, 279 00:11:53,858 --> 00:11:56,409 "Plant one right here, tiger puss," 280 00:11:56,547 --> 00:11:57,615 you know, so some things 281 00:11:57,753 --> 00:11:59,374 were more resonant than others. 282 00:11:59,512 --> 00:12:02,890 And what I did was I took my pain, 283 00:12:03,028 --> 00:12:06,372 poured it into my work, and I waited for beauty. 284 00:12:06,510 --> 00:12:07,751 Hey, Bob. 285 00:12:07,888 --> 00:12:11,129 Hey. What have you got there, a knife? 286 00:12:12,336 --> 00:12:13,336 She's stabbing Bob! 287 00:12:13,439 --> 00:12:16,300 Unh, I'm bleeding a lot. 288 00:12:30,435 --> 00:12:31,642 Well, who wants pie? 289 00:12:31,779 --> 00:12:32,951 Yeah, that sounds good. 290 00:12:33,089 --> 00:12:35,606 That's a great idea. We'll see you there. 291 00:12:35,743 --> 00:12:36,812 All right, Paulie. Okay. 292 00:12:38,364 --> 00:12:40,260 Want to get some pie? 293 00:12:40,398 --> 00:12:41,466 I don't think so. 294 00:12:41,604 --> 00:12:43,638 Okay. Well... 295 00:12:44,638 --> 00:12:46,603 It was good to see you. 296 00:12:46,741 --> 00:12:49,016 You, too. 297 00:12:49,153 --> 00:12:51,222 Think you and me were supposed to be Bob? 298 00:12:51,361 --> 00:12:52,429 Oh, let's say no. 299 00:12:52,567 --> 00:12:53,670 Ha. Ha. Okay. 300 00:12:55,152 --> 00:12:56,497 How's the apartment? 301 00:12:56,635 --> 00:12:57,669 Good. 302 00:12:59,944 --> 00:13:01,599 Did you ever think we'd be these people? 303 00:13:01,737 --> 00:13:04,633 No, I did not. 304 00:13:08,839 --> 00:13:12,700 I just want to say if I did, um... 305 00:13:12,838 --> 00:13:16,215 change in some way that made you feel... 306 00:13:16,354 --> 00:13:19,043 No, hey, no, no, no, no, no. 307 00:13:19,181 --> 00:13:21,111 You don't have to do that. 308 00:13:21,249 --> 00:13:22,387 That's okay. 309 00:13:22,524 --> 00:13:24,628 Okay. 310 00:13:24,766 --> 00:13:27,661 But I do think it's better this way... Don't you think? 311 00:13:27,799 --> 00:13:28,799 I do. 312 00:13:28,833 --> 00:13:30,074 I do, too. 313 00:13:32,832 --> 00:13:34,694 Okay, so you take care of yourself. 314 00:13:34,832 --> 00:13:35,832 You, too. 315 00:13:35,866 --> 00:13:37,624 Okay. 316 00:13:37,762 --> 00:13:39,038 Okay. 317 00:14:09,754 --> 00:14:11,718 Did you just kiss me? 318 00:14:14,131 --> 00:14:15,717 No. 319 00:14:17,821 --> 00:14:19,647 I didn't think so. 320 00:14:26,818 --> 00:14:28,956 Buy me some pie? 321 00:14:31,817 --> 00:14:33,713 Yes, please. 322 00:14:47,571 --> 00:14:49,364 And he bought her pie, 323 00:14:49,502 --> 00:14:53,018 and he took her home, and he never left. 324 00:14:58,224 --> 00:15:00,603 Yes, it was not my best film. 325 00:15:00,741 --> 00:15:02,671 I see that now. 326 00:15:02,809 --> 00:15:08,325 But it was what I would call a hugely successful screening. 327 00:15:08,463 --> 00:15:11,185 To me, there is no greater act of courage 328 00:15:11,324 --> 00:15:15,150 than being the one who kisses first. 329 00:15:15,288 --> 00:15:18,012 And bearing that in mind... 330 00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:19,667 I ask all of you who are not my mother 331 00:15:19,805 --> 00:15:23,321 to turn around for a second. 332 00:15:23,459 --> 00:15:26,906 Mom, I love you. 333 00:15:27,044 --> 00:15:29,629 Okay, everybody, you can turn back around. 334 00:15:31,111 --> 00:15:33,559 I said at the beginning that I blame my parents... 335 00:15:33,697 --> 00:15:35,283 and I do. 336 00:15:35,421 --> 00:15:38,076 I blame them for making me crazy. 337 00:15:38,213 --> 00:15:41,144 I blame them for being so difficult. 338 00:15:42,661 --> 00:15:44,350 But most of all... 339 00:15:44,488 --> 00:15:47,349 I blame them for making it impossible for me 340 00:15:47,487 --> 00:15:49,245 to dismiss the idea 341 00:15:49,383 --> 00:15:52,485 that love can actually work out. 342 00:15:55,174 --> 00:15:58,104 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today... 343 00:15:58,242 --> 00:16:01,414 Ahem... Actually, we are gathered here almost tomorrow. 344 00:16:01,552 --> 00:16:03,069 Sorry again about the late hour. 345 00:16:03,207 --> 00:16:05,527 Yeah, it's just we want to keep the same anniversary, so... 346 00:16:05,655 --> 00:16:07,654 Happy to be here. Flattered to be asked. 347 00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:10,654 Although, we are moving right along here on midnight, 348 00:16:10,791 --> 00:16:12,480 so, uh, I should just kind of... 349 00:16:12,618 --> 00:16:14,135 Please, by all means, by all means. 350 00:16:14,273 --> 00:16:15,833 Paul, do you take Jamie to be your wife, 351 00:16:15,928 --> 00:16:17,648 to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, 352 00:16:17,721 --> 00:16:18,721 till death do you part? 353 00:16:18,754 --> 00:16:20,030 I do. 354 00:16:20,168 --> 00:16:21,857 Jamie, do you take Paul to be your husband, 355 00:16:21,995 --> 00:16:23,715 to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, 356 00:16:23,788 --> 00:16:24,994 till death do you part? 357 00:16:25,132 --> 00:16:27,270 I do. 358 00:16:27,407 --> 00:16:29,062 Are you sure? 359 00:16:30,751 --> 00:16:31,889 Yes. 360 00:16:32,027 --> 00:16:33,667 Well, you know, the last time we talked... 361 00:16:33,785 --> 00:16:35,026 I understand. Okay. 362 00:16:35,164 --> 00:16:36,284 Well, uh, you got the rings, 363 00:16:36,405 --> 00:16:38,577 and the, uh, witness is asleep in the crib. 364 00:16:38,715 --> 00:16:41,645 Dog's lost interest, so I guess we can move right along. 365 00:16:41,783 --> 00:16:43,300 By the power vested in me, 366 00:16:43,438 --> 00:16:45,300 I now pronounce you man and wife. 367 00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:46,644 And we got 7 seconds left, 368 00:16:46,782 --> 00:16:48,702 so you can kiss each other squarely on the mouth. 369 00:16:48,747 --> 00:16:50,436 Ha. 370 00:16:50,574 --> 00:16:52,021 Okay. Okay. 371 00:16:52,159 --> 00:16:53,298 Well, I'm out of here. 372 00:16:53,436 --> 00:16:55,951 Okay, there you go. We're all signed up. 373 00:16:56,089 --> 00:16:57,641 Here's your certificate right there. 374 00:16:57,779 --> 00:16:58,882 I'm gonna leave you my card 375 00:16:59,020 --> 00:17:00,582 in case you ever want to get ahold of me. 376 00:17:00,606 --> 00:17:02,709 I am a certified public accountant 377 00:17:02,847 --> 00:17:04,191 and also a notary public 378 00:17:04,329 --> 00:17:07,224 and I can fix a boat. 379 00:17:12,154 --> 00:17:13,154 Well... 380 00:17:13,223 --> 00:17:15,361 Well. 381 00:17:15,499 --> 00:17:16,774 We are married. 382 00:17:16,912 --> 00:17:17,981 Yes, we are. 383 00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:20,635 All official, typed up, nice and everything. 384 00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:22,220 Yep. 385 00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:26,013 I got to say it feels, uh... it feels... 386 00:17:26,150 --> 00:17:27,550 what am I trying to say? It feels... 387 00:17:27,634 --> 00:17:28,634 Exactly the same? 388 00:17:28,702 --> 00:17:29,702 Very much, yes. 389 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,426 Did we rush him too much? 390 00:17:31,564 --> 00:17:32,735 I don't know. Maybe we did. 391 00:17:32,873 --> 00:17:34,770 'Cause there were actually a couple of things 392 00:17:34,907 --> 00:17:36,779 I would have said if he'd given us a minute or 2. 393 00:17:36,803 --> 00:17:38,562 Really? Me, too. Really? 394 00:17:38,700 --> 00:17:41,388 Yeah. Well, I know you pretty good now. 395 00:17:41,526 --> 00:17:43,146 I would have been a little more specific. 396 00:17:43,285 --> 00:17:44,525 What would you have said? 397 00:17:44,663 --> 00:17:46,353 I would have said, "I love you." 398 00:17:46,491 --> 00:17:48,352 That's not so specific. 399 00:17:48,490 --> 00:17:50,317 No, but... 400 00:17:50,455 --> 00:17:51,558 I really love you. 401 00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:53,627 Oh. 402 00:17:53,765 --> 00:17:55,660 And I would have said... 403 00:17:57,315 --> 00:18:00,314 I know life is a big, dangerous thing, 404 00:18:00,452 --> 00:18:06,037 and it's stronger and smarter and sneakier than us, 405 00:18:06,175 --> 00:18:07,657 but here's what I got. 406 00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:09,692 I will always love you. 407 00:18:09,829 --> 00:18:13,518 Don't ever doubt that no matter what. 408 00:18:13,656 --> 00:18:15,621 So that's what I would have said. 409 00:18:15,759 --> 00:18:16,759 What would you have said? 410 00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:20,309 I would have said... 411 00:18:22,481 --> 00:18:26,411 I would have said there are millions of things I want, 412 00:18:26,549 --> 00:18:29,686 but only one thing I really need. 413 00:18:29,824 --> 00:18:31,272 And if you ever decided to leave me, 414 00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:33,444 I would go and find you and bring you home 415 00:18:33,581 --> 00:18:36,718 'cause you'd be wrong. 416 00:18:38,132 --> 00:18:39,200 See, now that's a wedding. 417 00:18:39,339 --> 00:18:40,339 Yeah. 418 00:18:40,373 --> 00:18:42,579 How do you like being married so far? 419 00:18:42,717 --> 00:18:45,061 I like it very much. 420 00:18:46,268 --> 00:18:47,337 You hungry? Not really. 421 00:18:47,475 --> 00:18:48,991 Okay. 422 00:18:53,267 --> 00:18:54,645 Come here. 423 00:19:07,745 --> 00:19:12,400 Thank you for a wonderful engagement. 424 00:19:13,537 --> 00:19:15,639 It has been my pleasure. 425 00:19:45,460 --> 00:19:50,493 ♪ You turn around ♪ 426 00:19:50,630 --> 00:19:55,112 ♪ Then you ask me Behind tears of doubt ♪ 427 00:19:55,251 --> 00:20:00,352 ♪ "Just what do I see in you?" ♪ 428 00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:04,627 ♪ Please don't cry ♪ 429 00:20:04,765 --> 00:20:09,523 ♪ I know sometimes It seems we barely get by ♪ 430 00:20:09,660 --> 00:20:11,591 ♪ But you don't see ♪ 431 00:20:11,729 --> 00:20:13,969 ♪ How much you do ♪ 432 00:20:14,107 --> 00:20:16,314 ♪ Oh, to get me through ♪ 433 00:20:16,452 --> 00:20:20,382 ♪ When the world is cold ♪ 434 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:24,070 ♪ And I need A friend to hold ♪ 435 00:20:24,208 --> 00:20:26,035 ♪ You give me love ♪ 436 00:20:26,173 --> 00:20:28,896 ♪ You give me love, baby ♪ 437 00:20:29,034 --> 00:20:32,585 ♪ And when my hope is gone ♪ 438 00:20:32,723 --> 00:20:36,343 ♪ And I feel I can't go on ♪ 439 00:20:36,481 --> 00:20:38,480 ♪ You pick me up ♪ 440 00:20:38,618 --> 00:20:43,479 ♪ You give me love You give me love ♪ 441 00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:47,513 ♪ Yeah, yeah Oh, baby ♪ 442 00:20:49,995 --> 00:20:55,200 ♪ I apologize ♪ 443 00:20:55,338 --> 00:21:00,199 ♪ If I never told you What you are in my eyes ♪ 444 00:21:00,337 --> 00:21:04,956 ♪ Oh, baby Let me tell you now ♪ 445 00:21:05,094 --> 00:21:09,161 ♪ Every day ♪ 446 00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:14,195 ♪ Looks sweeter knowing You'll be there in every way ♪ 447 00:21:14,333 --> 00:21:18,883 ♪ Now how can you say That's not enough ♪ 448 00:21:19,021 --> 00:21:23,020 ♪ 'Cause when The world is cold ♪ 449 00:21:23,158 --> 00:21:26,778 ♪ And I need a friend to hold ♪ 450 00:21:26,916 --> 00:21:30,777 ♪ You give me love You give me love, baby ♪ 451 00:21:30,915 --> 00:21:35,465 ♪ And when my hope is gone ♪ 452 00:21:35,603 --> 00:21:38,947 ♪ And I feel I can't go on ♪ 453 00:21:39,085 --> 00:21:41,361 ♪ You pick me up ♪ 454 00:21:41,499 --> 00:21:43,153 ♪ You give me love ♪ 455 00:21:43,291 --> 00:21:48,600 ♪ You give me everything My heart desires ♪ 456 00:21:48,738 --> 00:21:52,323 ♪ Morning sun And midnight fires ♪ 457 00:21:52,461 --> 00:21:56,598 ♪ Someone there To share my dream ♪ 458 00:21:56,735 --> 00:22:00,425 ♪ With you I have everything ♪ 459 00:22:00,563 --> 00:22:03,940 ♪ When the world is cold ♪ 460 00:22:04,078 --> 00:22:07,768 ♪ And I need A friend to hold ♪ 461 00:22:07,905 --> 00:22:09,836 ♪ You give me love ♪ 462 00:22:09,974 --> 00:22:12,491 ♪ You give me love, baby ♪ 463 00:22:12,628 --> 00:22:16,868 ♪ And when my hope is gone ♪ 464 00:22:17,006 --> 00:22:19,902 ♪ And I feel I can't go on ♪ 465 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:22,177 ♪ You pick me up ♪ 466 00:22:22,315 --> 00:22:23,935 ♪ You give me love ♪ 467 00:22:24,073 --> 00:22:29,038 ♪ Yeah, when my world Is cold ♪ 468 00:22:29,176 --> 00:22:32,899 ♪ And I need A friend to hold me ♪ 469 00:22:33,037 --> 00:22:34,623 ♪ You give me love ♪ 470 00:22:34,761 --> 00:22:37,277 ♪ You give me love, baby ♪ 471 00:22:37,415 --> 00:22:41,414 ♪ And when my hope is gone ♪ 472 00:22:41,552 --> 00:22:44,896 ♪ And I feel I can't go on ♪ 473 00:22:45,034 --> 00:22:46,929 ♪ You pick me up ♪ 474 00:22:47,067 --> 00:22:49,135 ♪ You give me love ♪ 475 00:22:49,274 --> 00:22:54,376 ♪ Yeah, when my world is cold ♪ 476 00:22:54,514 --> 00:22:57,651 ♪ And I need A friend to hold me ♪ 477 00:22:57,789 --> 00:23:01,305 ♪ You give me love You give me love, baby ♪ 478 00:23:03,546 --> 00:23:04,706 So in case you're interested, 479 00:23:04,822 --> 00:23:06,270 here's what happened to everybody. 480 00:23:06,408 --> 00:23:08,855 Ira and Marianne ended up with eight children... 481 00:23:08,992 --> 00:23:12,129 One from every continent and two from New Jersey. 482 00:23:12,268 --> 00:23:13,819 Mark and Fran invited 483 00:23:13,957 --> 00:23:16,198 an adventuresome Swedish couple into their marriage, 484 00:23:16,336 --> 00:23:18,128 and they've never been happier. 485 00:23:18,267 --> 00:23:20,955 My grandma moved to Boca Raton, Florida, 486 00:23:21,093 --> 00:23:22,335 but it didn't take. 487 00:23:22,472 --> 00:23:24,265 So then she moved into my parents' building, 488 00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:27,298 but two floors down so as not to intrude. 489 00:23:27,436 --> 00:23:31,608 Aunt Lisa is exactly the same. 490 00:23:31,746 --> 00:23:35,158 Me... I'm fine. 491 00:23:35,296 --> 00:23:38,813 And these two, if you'll pardon the expression, 492 00:23:38,951 --> 00:23:41,399 lived happily ever after. 493 00:23:47,017 --> 00:23:48,017 Captions: M.P.